Of Relevance

Yes, a whole page, just for this topic. I need this page, because a blog is my best form of self expression, and I have the need to self express about annoying things – often. This list will grow. It might even grow daily. Hopefully it will save me some fees in therapy.

1. Waiters who can’t read my mind. No, I don’t want you to pour my coke into the glass at the rate of 5ml/hour while you stand over my table annoying me. No, I do not want you to clear my plate unless my knife and fork are together. No, I don’t want anything else, just like I told you one minute ago. Of course I want something else, where the hell have you been for the last ten minutes? And if you take my drink away before it is absolutely, completely and utterly finished and the glass isa s dry as the Sahara Desert, I will kill you. Or at least not tip you.

2. People who tell me how they are without me asking, and then think I am going to feel stupid for not caring. As in:
Eve: Is this Mary?
Mary: Yes
Eve: Mary, I am calling about the double insurance premium you deducted from my account
Mary: I am fine
Eve: Huh?
Mary: I said I am fine, How are you?
Eve: A bit worse than I was two seconds ago, which is really not good news for you.

3. This one needs no explanation. It annoys you too. (Setting: you’re about to get into the bath. The phone rings)
Me: Hello?
Her: Good evening (long pause)
Me: Yes?
Her: Am I speaking to Ms Dmdfdshd?
Me: Yes
Her: Ms *EI* Dmodfjsdlj?
Me: Yes. How exactly can I help you?
Her: You are speaking to Suzile
Me: Yes?
Her: I am fine
Me: What the hell do you want?
Her: I am calling you from Vfksfsd.
Me: uhuh?
Her: You’ve been selected for a prize. A free phone if you take a contract …
Me:

4. Standard Bank.

5. People who give a negative answer with a positive. As in,
Me: Do you have the butternut soup?
Her: Yes, we don’t have.

6. People who change their opinion in 3 seconds, to match mine. As in:
Her: I thought yesterday’s episode of Desperate Housewives was boring
Me: Really? I loved it. I think those women are hilarious
Her: I know! It’s one of my favourite shows!

7. Mothers who throw parties for kids on Saturday at 9am on the other side of town, and want my kid to come dressed up as a superstar. Go jump in something, why don’t you?

8. People who don’t understand the difference between you’re and your.

9. Pretty much anybody who calls me on the phone. I *hate* the phone. The only time you should talk to me on the phone is if you are my boyfriend, my best friend, my kid or if by some rare occurrence I actually called you.

10. People who tweet links without any real explanation as to what they are linking to. This is made ten times worse if the link is, indeed, pathetic.